Between Family & Work
I had my last appraisal session last Monday with my boss. It was the best appraisal session I ever had at this place. Its ironic that people seem to be nice to me when I had already decided to leave.... Oh well, I suppose you need to resign in order for people to be nice to you. Perhaps only then they realize how valuable you are to the company.....Too late for that now!
Anyway, he gave me a few of his "words of wisdom". The one which I remember most is something about family and work. He said that I seem to favour my family more than I do about my work. He said that though it is a matter of my personal choice, he viewed that there will have to be trade-offs between the two and I can't have the best of both worlds. He said that if I were to favour my family more than work, I may not go far in my career. I will just be another ordinary employee.
But if I were to favour my work more than my family then he viewed that I may go far in my profession. Although he acknowledges that my kids are still very young and growing up, he said that if I want to go far in my career, I may have to make some sacrifices on the family side. He admits there are trade-offs but he suggested that since I'm going to the new place with a new corporate environment and corporate culture, it is about time that I should reconsider my position in order for me to succeed in the future.
Perhaps there are some truth in what he said. I listened to his "advice", taken with a pinch of salt, of course. All I can say is that his situation is different than mine. You can't compare apples with oranges. Similarly you cant compare a 50+ year old COO (with more responsibilities & higher paycheck) whose wife is a full-time housewife with grown up kids already in college & secondary school than a 30+ year old executive with a wife who is also working and 3 small kids to take care of, earning just enough to pay the bills & make a living in KL....
Indeed it is true that I favour my family more than work at the moment. I have my reasons. My kids need me as they are in their formative years and are very sensitive of their surroundings (prone to get sick). At the same time, I have my studies to contend with. As far as I am concerned, my family come first, work is secondary. Employers don't really care about my family. They will not take care of my family, they will not bring my wife or kids to the clinic if they are sick.... I have to do that. No two ways about it.
I intend to prove him wrong! I will show him that family and work can be balanced and you can become a top performer in your chosen profession. It will be a tough thing to do in the present capitalistic & materialistic world..... When every company wants to achieve sky-rocketing revenues and profits... Hence the employees will be pushed harder to work and earn more for the company, in order to achieve their ambitious targets. All this is done at the expense of the family....
I anticipate that it will be difficult task, this balancing act....But it is not an impossible thing to do...
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About Me
- Pak Uda
- Random, mindful thoughts, musings and ramblings of a 30-something dad, stuck in the 21st century rat race.
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10 comments:
Well..this balancing act is very, very challenging. I couldn't agree more. I've experienced it last year.
I've got the promotion that been promised for years.My other half congratulated me by saying : your promotion means more sacrifice are expected from me & the kids.
True enough.. my eldest kid suffered. Throughout his primary school days from Year 1 to Year 3, he would be among the top 3 performers-without fail. Last year, he dropped to number 15! I did not scold him when he showed me his report card; instead until this very day I couldn't forgive myself for accepting the promotion...
Working with people, the only thing to do if we want to go up is to work harder and give more than your normal jobscope, unless you are the one that can "ampu" your boss. That is the sacrifice that you need to do whether you are just an office boy or a COO. But as you go up the ladder, you don't really have a specific working time, just like when you are running your own business.
It is just that how your hours are spent at the office, was it spent productively or just having meetings and the "waiting" game.
But whatever it is, I believe you do owe the company for giving you the opportunity to further your studies and accomodate your time, which you may not find in some other companies which are not very accomodative. Honestly speaking, we must have taken some of the office time to attend to our personal matters, the time which should be dedicated wholly to the company if you really want to count the 8 hours that you are supposed to commit yourself to. That is where the give and take comes in. In the end, who benefits? Us the employee and the employers as well. But to be fair, the employer should reward fairly to those who have contributed. This is what we call an organisation. Without the employees, the organization cannot function. On the other hand, without the employer, there is no employees.
Promotion does not mean more work or sacrifice but the quality or level of contribution that is required from the person. When we are promoted we are expected to provide a higher quality work or services, in terms of our professional opinion and work level. Having to work longer than before is also true if the employer, not only give us more responsibility but also wider jobscope. Some employer just like to say this as an excuse to get you to work longer or use it as an excuse when they want you to do things for them. The basic thing to base on is, have we determine our jobscope and have we perform or deliver our jobscope?.
My humble opinion.
From someone who has experienced it!
It's a balancing act... true.
But when it comes to choosing between the two.... putting family first.... you'ld never go wrong.
Yes Leilanie, I agree 101% that family comes first but please look at the situation.
If your employer is flexible with you, you must also be flexible to your employer. It is a give and take. If your work only meets expectation, you cannot expect to be compensated more, say, in terms of increment or bonus.
We too play a role in creating the result or achievement of our company. We can change or contribute to the change. It is the ATTITUDE! Do look at the bigger picture. If you and the company win, then everybody wins. If you win and the company lose, then you win for a short while and both will lose at the end. We should be the agent of change rather than a follower.
Do a self-assessment test. We know better about ourself.
Also, commitment. Are we committed to the course of the achieving the company's goal? Or are we just thinking about our own self or our own territory? In other words, so long as I do my job, that's it. Of course you have play your part but the link only stops there. What makes a team stronger? Look at any successful team. There are some outstanding players and that are players that just make up the team. These outstanding players are the only who play a major role to get the team to win. They train harder and work extra hours to sharpen their skills. Tierry Henry of Arsenal works alone before and after practice to sharpen his skill in taking a free kicks. So what I am trying to say is that, outstanding workers put in more efforts and hence when rewarded, they deserve it!
Finally, It's a CHOICE. You can choose to do it or not do it.
Well.. well.. well... I see that the comments are getting pretty interesting in here..
Anyway, thanks to Mr Anonymous & Lanie for yr comments... I think I know who Mr Anonymous is, but shan't spoil the surprise for now. Anyway, thanks for visiting my blog, Mr Anonymous.
Like everyone is saying here, its a balancing act. Imagine having 'emotional accounts' with work and family. You have to ensure that you make enough 'deposits' in order to make your family happy. If you deposit more, then you can expect to get your 'returns'. Same goes to work. You can't always be making 'withdrawals' and expect your employer to be happy. How to balance them, well... it all depends on your personal situation.
For me, I agree with Lanie that family comes first, no matter what. I have growing up kids. They need my attention as my wife does. And I will be there for them, as and when I can. Its not fair for me to expect my wife to do everything for the family.
I will not forget,as a Muslim, I have an obligation as a husband and a father.
At the same time, I shall not ignore my obligations as an employee. I will do my best as it is my amanah to do so and i earn my living from it to feed my family.
At the end of the day, I am a father & a husband first, an employee second. That's my priority in life. I intend to keep it that way. I don't want to have regrets about things that I could've done...Life is just too short to have regrets...
By the way, Mr Anonymous, I don't owe the organisation anything in terms of my studies. It has already been agreed between me and my employer that there will be concessions on both sides. I have made it very clear when I was interviewed and my employer agreed.
As for my work, I believe I have performed my obligations well. There are several times when I went beyond what is expected of me but I shall not bitch about it here. Even if I receive any promotions, I still do not owe my life to the organisation. No need to sell your soul to the devil. Just because your boss gave you a promotion, it doesn't mean that you are indebted to him. Thats goes to show how low your self-esteem is.
If you deserve it, then its yours coz you worked hard for it (even if your family was neglected). But if that was what you wanted then so be it. Of course the obligations will come as a result of the promotion. Gotta be smart la. To me, you must give your best at work and for family too.
But my point here is, family comes first no matter what. Do NOT neglect them. How many of our waking hours are spent for our family per week as compared to office hours. What have we done to improve our family's physical, social, emotional well being? Have you prepared them of any unfortunate eventualities?
If you die tomorrow, your company can replace you within days or weeks.
But nobody can replace you as a father & husband...
Are you ready for that, Mr Anonymous?
From anonymous One :
There are 2 Anonymous here. I am the Anonymous 1 - giving the first comment. So Pak Uda may have wrongly guessed the person.
Whatever it is I still believe promotion means longer working hours, have to come on weekends,etc..well at least applicable to those like me & kawan -kawan yang sewaktu dengannya...whom we are reporting to also contributed to this...this may be different with Anonymous 2...
I have a friend who works at CIMB -younger than me but earning 5 figures..for 2005 bonus, he received 14 month's bonus. His weekly schedules - Monday @ Dubai, Tuesday @ Malaysia, Wednesday @ Jakarta,etc..etc.. He is at the top at a very young age but in terms of family life - he's facing a divorce suit from his second marriage. The first can only survived for three years. The second - they could not manage to celebrate the first anniversary...
Mr. Anonymous 1......
You are right in every sense...... with promotion, comes more responsibilities, that is, one is expected to deliver even during weekends. The responsibility just comes with the job.
I also presume, you would agree that..... regardless how high one is in the corporate ladder, one needs to make a choice what comes first..... work or family?
I would also presume, you will put family first........ because...... accepting a promotion, does not mean one can now sacrifice the family.
As for Mr.Anonymous 2....
hmmm.....
if the company gives us the nod to pursue our studies...... and we deliver everytime we are required to...... then, we do NOT owe the company anything!
"Expectation" is a relative thing..... be it in delivery of service or the compensation that one would receive if one has delivered as per "expectation".
On another note, ATTITUDE only counts when the attire organisation carries the same "values". It won't work if one is riding the wave, but the rest are just waiting by the beach.
Like Pak Uda said.... if we're gone today, our tables would be cleared within days/weeks and hey presto! the company would have found a replacement, and we would have been forgotten.
But, the same cannot be said to the families we left behind.
What comes first? That is the question. And in coming with the answer..... one has to make a CHOICE...... and the choice is in our hands......
So, what is your CHOICE, Mr. Anonymous 2?
Anonymous 2 does not have gender. So sorry, no Mr. please.
All this while,as mentioned earlier, I am 101% agreeable with Leilanie that FAMILY comes first.
As for the studies, I said that if the company is flexible with you, say give you time off during office hours to attend classes as what happened to my colleague, then please be fair to the company by working after office hours to cover for the time taken. If both parties agree with the arrangement, well and good.
That goes to our family as well. If we have taken some of their time, please take an extra effort to replace for the lost time. This would mean sacrificing your private time and give that time to your family. That means, no CSI, no desperate housewives, no AF. Work harder to improve the quality of life of our family.
Whatwever we do, we do not want to ill-treat the other party. If one party is ill-treated, then the other party gain more. Please balance it! (I am not pro-BN, the dacing!)
Family first or company first. Easy question to answer, no?
Pak Uda is showing his stripes too. Everything is flying through the window.
The family always comes second..................to none. No? Company? Of course, they get to be first....runner up.
Ha ha. Quite a few comments here. Looks like all the comments are posted during XXXXXXX too.
Looks like we have 2 anonymouses, one being genderless, such a pity, if only u ppl have names, then it would be more dignified for me to reply by addressing your names....
Your comments are appreciated, nonetheless. Seems that this topic has generated much interest from u all.
I think perhaps because we all think about it everyday & because both issues are close to our heart. Hopefully none of us will have any regrets in the future.
I wrote this piece on family & work because my boss spoke on the topic recently. I felt strongly about it and felt that he is wrong and I want to prove to him & to myself that such views are incorrect.
I also anticipate that my new workplace will demand more of my time away from my family. As such, I'm bracing myself for such a situation. Perhaps, when faced with pressing work commitments, I may even have to contradict my earlier opinions. I hope not. But there will come a time when I have to decide. Life is about choices. We try to make the best ones.
C'est la vie!
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